The playground. I love the playground. Because first of all, free fun. I am all about the free fun. If it's free and fun and near my house, you'd best believe we're going. A lot. And that includes every playground within a 20 minute drive. But lately, I've seen some really strange (and bad) behavior at the playground that got me thinking...does etiquitte go out the window at the playground? Here are some of my playground observations:
Mulch Throwers. All children like to throw mulch. However, when mulch goes air-born it gets into hair that must then be washed, even if it was just washed the night before. Or into eyes which hurts like a mofo and is scary. Dont let your kids throw mulch...and this goes for woodchips too!
Outside Voice vs. Ear-Splitting Keening. All kids like to run and all kids like to make too much noise. If your child is just running around hollering gleefully, being a noisy little bugger, using his/her outside voice, I say rock on. That's what the playground is for. But it can cross a line. A line that starts with all the parents and dogs within a quarter mile involuntarily cringing and ends with them collapsed dead on the ground, with blood trickling out of their ears. From the high-pitched squeal of your child's unnecessary screaming. Don't act like you don't know exactly what I'm talking about. When it was my kid, I made her stop. When it's your kid - for the love of GOD, make. them. stop. screaming.
Sticks and Stones and Branches.. Why? If you really need to ask why then you might want to seek immediate medical attention because you have clearly suffered a traumatic brain injury. From being repeatedly whacked in the head with a tree branch. That you allow your child to play with.
Stop Texting Before Something Bad Happens.
They can be mommies (sometimes even me - gasp!), but sometimes they're not. Need some examples? On the weekends, you see lots of kids with their dads. It is often clear that this is Daddy's post-divorce custodial weekend and the playground seemed like a better idea than being trapped in his new, Ikea-furnished two bedroom apartment with completely wild children. I can certainly relate. Divorced Daddies fall into one of two categories* - I will focus on the d-bag variety. He stands on the periphery, so absorbed in his Blackberry or iPhone, that he would not notice if his kids were abducted by a bad man in a scary clown suit. But he might just notice every skinny woman in spandex who jogs by. Nice parenting, dude.
Then you have another useless sack of hair: mom's stupid boyfriend. This guy stands as far away as he can from the actual playground - clearly bored, sighing and rolling his eyes, and obviously wishing he were anywhere else, while chain smoking Newports. Then you have the over-entitled, surly, adolescent babysitter, who also stands as far away as she can from the actual playground - clearly bored, sighing and rolling her eyes, and obviously wishing she were anywhere else, while texting non-stop (and earning $10 an hour).
The Mommy Code. If I'm standing near the slide and a little guy gets scared and needs help down, I'll help him. You'd help him, too. If I see some big kids being rough or wild near a little kid, I'll say: "Hey dudes! Remember there are little guys around, OK?" So why is it there are some people who will see a kid fall off a swing and just stand there, dispassionately observing, like "Hmmm... Interesting... It fell down and now it cries..." Seriously? You're a mom. Do the right thing, woman.
Have you guys witnessed anything at the playground that has you stumped and wanted to offer (aka slap) some senseable advice? Do Share!
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